


that's okay

by cherrychoke



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Crying, Depression, Depressive Episode, F/F, Spiralling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22802743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrychoke/pseuds/cherrychoke
Summary: a downward spiral goes on like a never ending slide.
Relationships: Park Sooyoung | Joy/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	that's okay

Whenever Sooyoung is upset, she’ll burrow herself in blankets. Her low days were terribly low, she would become immovable from her bed, and getting her to even sit was a big deal. The only way to stop it was to catch it even before the terrible feeling got to her. Sooyoung couldn’t do it some times, some days, her brain worked in brilliant ways.

Today, Sooyoung caught the downward spiral right before it happened. It’s not going to stop, but she can be distracted from it. She gets up from the loveseat, and begins to search for Seungwan.

Seungwan usually does a great job at coaxing her out of a terrible spiral, even without talking much. Her presence is enough of comfort, too.

Sooyoung doesn’t call out for her, like she normally would, because the spiral has started the moment she got up from the loveseat. It’s going terribly fast, the quicker her steps are, the faster it’s going down.

She avoids the kitchen, more tears welling in her eyes as she becomes frantic, trying to search for Seungwan. Her throat feels dry, even opening her mouth in a silent plea makes her want to cry, and that’s something Sooyoung hates the most: crying. Especially on useless spirals like these, where she doesn’t know why she’s feeling bad, but only feels the bad feelings increases in volume as time ticks.

“Unnie,” She whispers to herself. Her voice cracks. A tear escapes. Sooyoung drops on the floor, unable to do anything but sob. She lays sideways on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, trying to make this stop. She whispers again, that’s all she can manage. “Help.”

She continues laying down, hoping for Seungwan -- or someone, at least -- to help her. All her mind can do is focus on this terrible feeling inside of her. Something which holds her, traps her, makes her feel useless, makes her physically useless, and it goes down and down like a never ending slide.

There are footsteps, she feels them vibrate through the floor. “Sooyoung?”

Sooyoung can’t move. It’s Seungwan. Finally. Thank God. Thank God.

“Sooyoung-ah?” There are gentle hands on her arm, and Sooyoung starts crying loudly. “Sooyoung-ah, what’s wrong?”

Sooyoung lets Seungwan lift her up into a hug. Sooyoung can’t move her arms. She doesn’t have the energy for it. She can feel Seungwan’s warmth, though, which makes it a little better. Like a tiny drop of white in a black canvas.

“Sooyoung, baby, please talk to me,” Seungwan whispers gently. She holds Sooyoung as close as she can physically manage in the awkward position. “Breathe, Sooyoung, breathe.”

Sooyoung doesn’t know how to, but it’s okay, because Seungwan shows her how. Seungwan takes a deep breath in through her nose, lets all of it out through her mouth. Sooyoung can feel the way Seungwan’s chest rises and falls, she can hear how air goes into Seungwan’s nose and comes out of her mouth.

Sooyoung copies that. And it becomes easier to breathe a few minutes later. She gains her energy, centers herself, and carefully hugs Seungwan back. The spiral has disappeared, finally, and she can breathe like a human being.

“Better?” Seungwan asks. “Are you feeling better?”

The question makes it instantly worse. But Sooyoung still remembers how to breathe, so she does that. Right now, all she remembers is how to breathe, and that’s okay. It’s okay if that’s all she can do.

Seungwan doesn’t ask anymore questions. She lets Sooyoung figure it out by herself. She shifts, to sit cross-legged on the floor next to Sooyoung. This allows Sooyoung to lean better on Seungwan.

When the feeling finally disappears, it feels like a silly thing. It feels like an ant bite which she could’ve just rubbed over, but she ended up crying and throwing a fit about instead.  _ It’s okay, _ Sooyoung has to remind herself, like her therapist asked her to do.  _ Sometimes it’s hard, and that’s okay. _

“A spiral.” Sooyoung says when she finally has enough energy to let Seungwan go, and lean her arms on the floor instead. “I freaked out over having a spiral and ended up in one anyway.”

Seungwan nods. She strokes Sooyoung’s thigh softly, moves it up and down in a calm, rhythmic motions. “I hope you’re feeling better.”

Sooyoung nods. “I am.”

“That’s great to hear,” Seungwan smiles, ever so soft. She shoves her forefinger under the short’s fabric, and makes tiny arcs there. “I got worried when I saw you on the floor.”

Sooyoung frowns. “I’m sorry for worrying you, unnie.”

“It’s okay,” Seungwan chuckles. “It’s hard. I understand. I’m glad it’s over so quickly.”

Sooyoung manages a tiny smile for Seungwan. “Yeah. Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> i had to write this so _i_ don't end up in a similar horrible spiral because of some Things happening skdjfnskjdfnksdj


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